Why You Need To Be Yourself

I honestly do not know how to start this post. Because a part of me wants to be truthful and let it out. The other part is keeping it locked away in a small box labelled "DO NOT OPEN".

As you may or may not know it is Pride Month. A month to celebrate the wonderful and amazing community of fellow LGBTQ's. It is when everyone should be happy and dancing with their amazing pride flags on the streets and feeling safe.

However if any recent new articles prove times are not getting easier for us.

People are still being attacked everyday for simply holding their partners hand, or not abiding to a strangers demand of "kiss her in front of me.". Times are really tricky right now, as they always have been.

Any of you may be sitting and thinking to yourself "But Molly Marriage Equality passed in Parliament years ago, and you have Pride. Why are you concerned?".

Maybe because people (including myself) have been attacked, hurt, bullied, placed into prison and in some cases killed because of who they are.

In 2021 I have seen a number of lesser known news outlets report an innocent LGBT+ member has been attacked or killed because someone did not "like" or "agree" with their lifestyle.

And yet we are still being asked the question "Why do you still need Pride?" with a eye roll.

The main reason is because we have no reached a point in history where we can actively be ourselves. If someone gets attacked in the street just because they hold their partners hand, would you think they must be so lucky because they have Pride? No. You would think why would someone attack them?

This is the harsh reality of so many people's lives right now. Especially in the UK. Just because we have Gay Marriage does not mean we have Equality.

I know for a fact so many people are being shunned or forced out of the closet because someone spread a rumor about them. Or someone outed them. It is a hard world out there right now.

It is a nightmare, because where there is peace there is worry.

I came out last year thinking I would be kicked out of my friend groups and family because of how powerful Homophobia is. Even if it is never direct at you, you still take it personally. And even though my coming out was better than expected, I am still scared.

I am scared that if I were to be completely myself I would experience the brutal Homophobia.

How sad is that?

Has a Straight person every worried that holding their partners hand or hugging in public might lead to a targeted assault?

No they don't. They sit on benches, train seats and kiss freely knowing no one will judge them for who they are.

The worry of being attacked or verbally assaulted is everyday. It is not a switch you can turn off. I have badges and stickers that are Pride themed but barely bring them out due to possible Homophobia.

In my life time I have heard these common phrases:

"I saw a gay person today."

"They had a gay voice."

"Being gay is wrong."

"Oh my god those two boys just kissed."

"It's a gay wedding."

"Why are you gay?"

"Are you gay?"

"You are too young to know."

"You have never dated anyone, how do you know you're gay?"

I know I am gay because I am. How did you know you were straight Deborah?

All of these phrases imply the same thing. Being Gay is different and unusual. Which to a young closeted person can also imply that it is wrong.

Listen to me now.

Being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Transgender or any other identity is not wrong. Just because you are different does not mean you are strange, unlikable or weird. It makes you unique and wonderful.

Being part of a community such as the LGBT+ means you experience different parts of culture. Whether that is Drag Kings/Queens, History of Pride and even Education of the LGBT+ community. The community is this bubble. A safe space, if you will, where people can come and for five minutes be themselves. It allows people to feel wanted and happier than if they were to be alone.

As well as that, it also helps people to bond over their experiences. It allows kids, teenagers and adults to form a family-like bond and feel happy about who they are.

I speak for myself and numerous others that when you meet someone like yourself you feel elated. You feel as though you finally found a family. One that you can talk to about love, weird encounters and what cake you like. Just normal stuff.

Groups like this can help to even save someone's life.

I remember growing up and always feeling weird. I was never really into girly stuff, but I really liked getting my hands dirty and fixing and making things. I loved books that told a thousand stories and adored animals as it reminded me of myself. Then I got into music collecting and fell in love with Queen, Elton John, Tears for Fears and even Billy Joel. The songs I always sung were usually done from a male's perspective. One's where I sung about how pretty girls were and how much the singer loved them. Cliche I know but that is how the puzzle pieces for me clicked together.

These songs allowed me to explore these new and weird emotions and think "Ah something is different here.".

Not only that I always "liked" boys that were either unachievable or different. And if someone showed interest in me I would always freak out. As if someone had just turned off that "crush" switch and say "He's not the one for you sweetie.". Let's be honest no man would ever be the one for me, it just took me too long to realise.

I would even say to people around me:

"Oh my god you look so pretty in that dress."

"Doesn't she look amazing?"

"If I was a boy I'd date her."

That last one should have REALLY told me I was not straight.

Then I realised, and thought "Oh god." because now I had to tell people. Like "hi there you know all those times I said I liked men, ignore that! False alarm!".

And I say this now Coming Out was not easy. It bottled up inside of me until I burst, and then I cried loads. It was an outburst of emotions that I was not expecting, because I had hidden myself so much. I was basically holding my breath, because I was scared if I breathed I would be hurt. It wasn't glamorous but I don't think anyone's ever is. Coming Out to your family is like telling them your deepest darkest secret. Except the secret is not terrible, but we are conditioned to think that way.

Once I did the "dramatic reveal" my family were accepting, much to my surprise. Even though they had never out-rightly said anything Homophobic I was still worried. I was scared if they would think differently of me, that they would view me less or even kick me out or ignore me at social functions.

Yeah being Gay is not all its cracked up to be. It can be messy, scary and weird. Especially if you did not realise until later on in life. I only really knew this time two years ago that being "straight" was not in me. However it just took some time to express myself and try new things (i.e. college) to understand I am who I am. No one can change that.

Being any part of the LGBT+ Community can be difficult. You have to deal with people's opinions 24/7, be everyone's source of Gay Information and be ready to face a hate crime anytime.

However it can be amazing. It can give you a boost of confidence you never thought you needed. It can allow you to be yourself for the first time in years, and be happy. The change can be scary, I know, but it can be truly euphoric. Being around others like yourself can help you to relax and come out of that shell.

Life can be hard if you are an LGBT+ member closeted or not. However, that does not mean we should stop being ourselves. Because the minute we stop is when time goes backwards.

Never stop educating people about how important our basic human rights are.

Never stop going to Pride or Festivals for the LGBT+.

Never stop letting governments ignore our cries for help.

Never stop being the wonderful human being you are.

Because the minute we stop is the minute they fight back.

We are a strong community and with the support of each other and allies, we can make this world a more inclusive and safer place for us to live in.

Happy Pride Month and just know you are loved.

Molly-Tastic Treves